I'm in a desperate state of mind. I've been searching, searching for both lenses from my eyeglasses for the past two hours. I've been shaking out clothes, emptying out toy bins, going through book cases, pulling apart anything that could be a convenient little hiding place for two small oblong shaped clear lenses. And as I finally take a breather, to get some much needed sustenance from my weekly dose of Grey's Anatomy, I look around and realize I'm in a desperate need for an uncontrollable laugh and Project CON now! Or. I. Will. Really lose it. My somewhat picked up home looked like a bunch of hyenas ran through each room in an agitated frenzy, knocking things over, hysterically throwing things around in total uproarious confusion. Laughing all the while. At me.
All this happened because my responsible eldest daughter hesitantly asked a rather important question after the girls scampered off after our marvelous dinner of fragrant peppered roast beef, roasted butternut squash, roasted potato and lemon scented green beans. "Mom, did you know your eyeglasses aren't on top of counter?" Hmm...how long has this question been planned? I call out to the girls, "Does anyone know where Mommy's eyeglasses are?" Loud "No's" fill the air. Until. A tiny voice echoes out from a bedroom. Three year old gleefully runs out and helpfully chirps out, "Follow me!" I follow her into her room and she pulls my eyeglasses from a pile she created behind her bed. I give playful child a big ole momma bear hug and say, "Thank you." Finally, I notice. Both lenses are missing.
I try to stay calm, and start searching behind mischievous 3 year old's bed to see if the lenses were tucked away in her mysterious pile. Nothing. I ask 3 year old to show me where she was playing with mommy's eyeglasses, and she ran all over the place, pointing to countless places these lenses could be. And I see how silly I am, trying to gain straight answers from a fanciful whimsical 3 year old. I'm getting a bit frantic thinking I'm going to be quite blind when I take my contact lenses out of my eyes. I'm also worried my three year old cut her fingers getting these lenses out. A quite hand check and I'm relieved.
Really, what would possess this curious child of mine to push the lenses out of my eyeglasses? To create little invisible dishes for her stuffed animals? Jewels for her toy chest? A magnifying lens to create a fire in a small wooded area? It then occurs to me, there could be a possibility of one of the girls cutting themselves on the edges of these lenses if someone unknowingly steps on them and the lenses break. I now wonder, do these newfangled lightweight lenses break or shatter? This thought gets me moving like a madwoman.
I'm not happy. Three year old is upset because mommy messed up her pile and lost her calm composure. Eight year old is packing up her knapsack and threatening to move out of the house because I'm searching through her shelves and drawers. Six year old is screaming "You hurt my doll, you hurt my doll!" And I'm getting dirty, going through yicky trash baskets, finding dust parties playing beneath the beds and dressers, ordering the rebellious troops to go to bed.
This would be the perfect moment for my fairy godmother to sparkle and shine. Poof! Appear and wave her wonderful magic wand to create peace, smiles and joy in this upset household of mine. Another graceful wave would help me gather courage to continue my seemingly fruitless search. Even better, just wave the trusty wand and poof! These evasive lenses would appear shiny and whole back in the eyeglass frames. My house would be put back in order. And as an extra treat because I was a good sport, my fairy godmother would give a fancy extra special wave of the wand and food allergies would cease to be a constant worry in my house, there would be an easy cure for dermatomyositis and cancer, my last 10 pounds would just melt off, I'd automatically look 10 years younger, my house would transform into a simple tasteful modern version of House Beautiful, there would be an end to human suffering and hunger, complete world peace and harmony, and.....
Instead, I guess I'll have to settle for a repeat of Grey's Anatomy and a pint of coffee crunch ice cream to gather up my strength to continue my search. Sigh.